I have spent the past month writing a post about belonging. It stemmed from a really dark moment for me – I had a rough morning at church, the enemy had planted words of alienation in my head all day, and every look planted even more seeds that grew huge weeds covering every smile I saw and encouraging word I heard. I was walking out of the building with the stroller and my two kids so I could sit in the car waiting for my husband because I could NOT handle my surroundings any longer. I knew I couldn’t hold back tears any longer. I probably had some amazing blessing from God waiting for me that day, but I gave that up and instead let the enemy continue to do his dirty work.
I had every intention of posting what I had previously written, that took me a month to complete, and I had actually pulled it up to do so yesterday but got side tracked by JL. What changed my mind? Well, first off let me say having “quiet time” doesn’t happen when you have a 10 month old who wont leave your side. This morning just happened to be decent so I popped in headphones and turned on one of our church’s first podcasts that I hadn’t heard yet, just at random. It was called “I Was Made for This”. And I realized, I am made on purpose for a purpose. I came back to my post, deleted the entire thing, and began this.
I have struggled my entire life with conforming. I have never been skinny enough, funny enough, patient enough, clever enough, loud enough, pretty enough, smart enough. I can’t sing, trying to carry on a conversation is difficult much less speaking in front of a crowd, I don’t feel my faith is large. I beat myself up on the inside for who I am, because it is never enough. Regardless of what people tell me – I mean, for real y’all, my husband tells me EVERYDAY how beautiful I am, how amazing I am, he laughs at my jokes (that’s saying something)… and still I feel insufficient. I get it, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” but that didn’t pertain to me. Until I heard this message and read 1 Corinthians 12:12-26:
“12 The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. 13 Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit. 14 Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. 15 If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? 17 If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything? 18 But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. 19 How strange a body would be if it had only one part! 20 Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. 21 The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.” 22 In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. 23 And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, 24 while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. 25 This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. 26 If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.”
What I do is important. Others may not think so, heck I don’t think so, but I am. Because God made me, and if He made me this way who am I to argue? I still havent figured out why He made me awkward and tongue-tied when I have such strong passions for real issues but that’ll be my focus rather than trying to change. One day I’ll know what my spiritual gift is and I’ll find an awesome place for my heart in the church. But until then, I will seek Him.
Hello, my name is Cassie and I belong. You need me, just as much as I need you. I may only be a pinky finger in the body of Christ but without me it wouldn’t be a body.
Here is the podcast – I highly recommend listening to it! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-church-royse-city/id969458963